Shara Grove Holistics

I don’t dread it as much as what I used to. Saying that statement. That fact.

People just don’t except to hear it. Maybe it’s because of my age.

I sometimes wonder what it’ll be like when I reach the age of it being expected. What happens then? Will they ask if I have both my parents still?

But what can hit me pretty hard is not saying “My dad passed away”, but it’s hearing them ask “If you don’t mind me asking, how did he pass away?” Or “How did it happen?”

Why? Why is it that some humans have to satisfy that niggle in their brain. Why are some humans incapable of pausing for a second to realise what they have just heard. That someone went through a heartache of grief. Why ask them about that event?

I don’t expect that question to arise after they know the fact. I don’t want that expectation. I want humans to have more awareness. More thought behind speaking. More respect. More empathy (or am I asking for too much? Perhaps from some people yes).

Even without the expectation, I’m still never surprised by hearing them ask such a shallow question.

I respond back truthfully, and I’m met with either a pitiful look, an honest remark or sometimes blatant ignorance because they then don’t know how to carry on the conversation.

It just makes me wonder, why don’t we ask about what they were like as a person? Why don’t we ask about how life was with them? Why don’t we ask about them? What memories we have of them?

Could it be because people are scared of an emotional reaction. I’m a firm believer in that one.

Could it be because people aren’t familiar with grief until they’ve experienced a deep loss? Quite possibly.

Could it be because some humans have emotional reactive blocks that their immature limbic systems can’t get past? I don’t doubt it.

My dad was a brilliant man, who I take after in so many ways.

My time with him was cut short. But even after his passing he has taught me so much.

He’s taught me lessons that not many parents can teach a child.

He’s taught me emotional maturity.

He’s taught me the power of love and gratitude.

He’s taught me how to value myself.

He’s taught me how to live life the way I want to. How to experience all the naturally wonderful things.

So next time someone tells you they had someone close to them pass, do the polite human thing and ask them about that person. We don’t often get many opportunities to bring them up ourselves in conversation. Ask them about them, and you’ll see their face light up.