Shara Grove Holistics

Mika is the fifth past life I’ve explored and so far, he’s the one that has made me the saddest.

The meditation I did to explore this past life, is an audiobook on Spotify Past Life Regression by Dick Sutphen. It’s the second time I’ve done this meditation, and it is great, out of the past life meditations I’ve done it’s the most in depth, however the guidance towards getting you into a deep meditative state is just over my limits in method and length of time, but the end results are worth it.

Mika…potentially has more to his name however it didn’t come through clear enough for me to be sure on adding it. Going off his life, I personally think he shorted his name to Mika only due to his mental state and his history.

I believe the year was 1958 in what felt like Alaska. Mika was a fifteen-year-old boy stood on a frozen pond which overflowed into a humongous waterfall down this cliffs edge. The waterfall overlooked the horizon where the sun would set. Way down below there was a large river that flowed on from the waterfall weaving through the white forest. The water at the top of the waterfall would always freeze on the top but would remain flowing underneath. Any melted ice or snow would make its own path to the cliffs edge. There was a slow and steady stream that crept down towards the rest of the water. There was a flat piece of land behind the waterfall with a few trees spotted around and a mountain of rock behind them. It was a slice of heaven. A hidden gem that only those with experience could find. This was Mika’s happy place. And this is where I first saw him.

Dressed from head to toe in animal skin/fur, thick boots that provided warmth and extra ground coverage, every inch of his skin was covered bar his face. A face that showed tiredness. Maturity that he didn’t ask for, and if he could choose something else, he would but he didn’t know anything else. This was all he knew. All he experienced and all he was exposed to.

There was an accident that happened. Mika and his childhood best-friend went out fishing on a frozen lake. Nothing unusual, a place they had been to plenty of times before. Perhaps around 18 years old now, Mika only enjoyed life with this one friend. Despite his inner longing for something different, his friend helped him enjoy the life he was living. He helped him laugh, express proudness and achievement. His friend made him feel trustworthy, honorable and reliable. They had each other’s backs, a brotherhood if you may. He helped Mika see beauty, energy and feel love.

There was an accident to which I can’t describe every detail, but Mika’s friend ended up falling into the water where he chipped into the surface in order to fish. Mika wasn’t close by when it happened but as soon as he heard a struggle, he raced back. Mika tried his hardest to gain speed as his eyes were fixed on his friends struggle but it seemed the closer, he got the quieter it went. By the time he arrived his friend was gone. Disappeared underneath the ice. Mika himself froze.

The event led Mika to panic and flee, the reasons behind that, I’m not sure. Mika ended up vanishing into thin air and was never seen by anyone else again. The guilt, shame, fear and disappointment Mika felt about the event and the loss of his friend never escaped him. Instead, he swallowed it all up only to spend the rest of his life in silence and loneliness.

There is a part of the meditation that asks you focus on how you get by for a living. At this point in the meditation, I was viewing Mika as perhaps later twenties, and for this Mika does everything himself. He hunts all of his food and water is of course easy enough to find. He’s aware that he needs to hunt in order to survive, and he is very skillful at it, but my god does he hate it. He honours the animal as much as he can by using every part of it, only hunting adult males and expressing his sorrows to what he has had to do in order to live. But he’s stuck in this way of life. Because of the choice he made, he is stuck living this life he never really wanted to live in the first place. And the only time he felt this life was livable was in the company of his friend.

Mika’s proudest moment in his life though…is when he built his cabin, on the flat piece of land opposite the waterfall that overlooks the horizon. His happy place. This beautiful, raised timber log cabin with a ladder to get up to it. A simple rectangle shape with a wraparound porch. Handmade wooden chairs out the front where he sits and watches the sun move across the sky.

The inside is decorated with natural elements. Animal skulls, hide rugs, rock formations and furniture made from bones and timber. He’s utilised all lost items he’s found. Tents, mugs, back packs, clothing, walking sticks and rubbish. He’s creative to say the least however, his true passion for creativity lies in his art. Artwork that he starts but never finishes. Artwork that come alive in his wood carvings and drawings, but the guilt stops him. How can he feel alive during his creations when he’s got this gaping black hole within? How can he feel the creative energy that flows within him after what he did? It doesn’t matter that it was an accident. It doesn’t matter that he was young and scared. He can’t allow himself to feel alive because to him he shouldn’t be.

There’s an owl that comes to visit every now and again. A beautiful big headed, yellow eyed grey and white decorated owl. It’s almost like he checks up on Mika. He visits whenever he likes, stays for however long he likes and he just watches Mika, observing him. Saying and doing nothing. Mika knows about this owl and has wondered, is that him?

As Mika aged life in the cold got harder. Everything took more effort than he had to give and he was reaching his limit of being able to care about surviving anymore.

On the last day of Mika’s life he saw the owl. He knew he would be safe. It felt right within him, he was at peace with his decision. He stood at the edge of the waterfall taking in his view for one last time. The sun was just above the horizon, the water roared below him yet it seemed so calming. Like he was going to jump into a vortex that would swallow up his heaviness with ease. He turned back to his cabin and smiled. The owl flew away and Mika smiled at him as he watched him go. After a big inhale, he finally relaxed his body and left any tension behind.

Mika is the poster boy for depression. A beautiful human being who was born into a life he didn’t want to live. He then lost the only thing he found worth living for and blamed himself for it. Mika makes me sad. I just want to hug him and give him the space to either be silent with company or to just let it all out.

There is always a reason why your subconscious brain has brought a certain past life to you. There are messages to be heard or lessons to still learn.

This is my interpretation:

Mika’s life brought me sorrow, a deep heartache within that wishes it could comfort him, much like what I wished for when I was grieving. I think the grief from Mika’s life closely relates to the grief I have felt in this life. The loss of my best-friend, the guilt I felt, the blame and shame I pointed towards myself, and how close I have been to reaching the point of no return. My heart goes out to Mika but I’m also so proud of him. Proud of him for surviving. Proud of him for still living his life into an older age despite the pain and grief he felt. Proud of him for still expressing creativity and imagination through home design.

In this life I have faced creativity blocks that I am making my way through now as we speak. I know within me there is a rich creative energy, but I find it hard to channel. I’m not sure what my niche is yet, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up creating my own niche instead of following others’ ideas, but there has been a lot of frustration towards myself with this. Frustration around why I don’t find it easy, why I am quicker to criticise than to compliment, why I feel further behind than other people my age, why I find it hard to get started or even stick with something. It can be incredibly conflicting to have awareness of the creativity that lies within you, but you stand in your own way of feeling it. There is a lesson here from Mika’s experience, what it is exactly I’m not sure of yet. Perhaps it’s to reassure myself that my talents are worth finding and show casing. Perhaps it’s to know that where there is pain there are sparks of light. Or maybe it’s to just relax into the moment of creating, let it flow and do its own thing.

Another message I get through from Mika’s life is gratitude. Gratitude is something that I have been practicing (successfully) for a while now, but I’m aware I still have moments where I forget where I am, what I’m doing and where I am living. I forget about the love that I give and feel. I forget how good life is. When you have deep emotions or thoughts going on, the present can get wiped away, like you’re seeing it through a foggy window. You can see it, but there is so much in front of it that has your brains attention. This is what can trap me. There would’ve been many people out there who wished for Mika’s life, whether it was to live it for a day or for longer. Mika couldn’t see the beauty that was around him and after the passing of his friend, he only saw the beauty, the true beauty the day he passed away himself, spending most of his life numb to his surroundings.
It’s a hard battle because you don’t want to be and it’s hard not to be, ignorant to what is going on inside, but there is a line. A line between breathing and drowning. Mika drowned. I almost have, and although I’m not fighting for my breath anymore, I still face my battles with it.

There are of course some smaller messages within this life, reminders if you may.

• Survival is tiring. Living is more rewarding.
• If something isn’t meant for you, you won’t ever find pleasure in it.
• It’s okay to miss people.
• Step back and notice what you have created. It’s an expression of you.
• Solitude and silence are two separate things.

Out of the five past lives I have explored, Mika’s is the one closest to my heart for I truly feel for him and understand what he went through. I understand why he felt the way that he did about life and death. I understand why he did what he did out of safety and survival. I get him and I hope he has gotten to live this life with me so far.