Shara Grove Holistics

No, I’m not talking about the Australian race car driver, I’m talking about the power that we all possess, the power of self-control.

Little bit about me:

My story with will power has a few starting points, but as someone who arguably had very poor self-control, loved gratification and quick fixes and always had an excuse, will power is something I have had to teach myself (for my own sake).

As I said, I’ve had a few different starting points when it’s come to teaching myself to have will power, but all of those starting points started with something…I was tired of being the me that I was at those points. I was tired of either draining myself, disconnecting myself, making my own life harder or beating myself up.

Teaching myself will power required a lot of self-respect, responsibility and practice (a lot of practice).

Here is what I’ve learnt:

Practice is key

I feel like this is an obvious, but honestly it is vital to not give up after the first or even the fifteenth attempt of training yourself.

Practicing will power will test not only how committed you are to yourself and your life, but it will also push your boundaries and comfortability which leads to growth.

It requires you to put yourself first

Will power is wonderful because of what it does for yourself, but if you’ve lived a people pleasing life, or a life where no hasn’t been an answer, then yes will power will be very strange and super challenging at the beginning.

It makes your brain work in a more self-rewarding fashion

This one might seem contradictive but hear me out. When you practice will power, you are practicing for a result that will be more rewarding than that quick fix, temptation or desire. You make your brain work ahead of its action, meaning you make your brain see that by not giving into that temptation, you are offering it an even bigger reward (which is usually emotional). Making your brain work in this fashion allows you to keep putting yourself first because of the bigger reward at the end. This bigger reward at the end generates emotions of self-control, proudness, confidence, self-respect, worthiness and even happiness, which in turn encourages you to keep practicing towards this as a goal.

Practicing will power allows you to see what the relationship with yourself is actually like. It highlights areas where you might have been neglecting yourself, areas like:

Love
Nourishment
Talents
Connection
Pleasure
Social
Personal Energy
Self-care
Goals

How can I start practicing will power?

Great question! To start practicing will power, it’s helpful to become aware of yourself. Nothing massive, just aware of when you feel some sort of negative emotion and the behaviour/action attached to it. So for example:

Behaviours/Actions	Creation
Eating the whole bar of chocolate at once	Sick stomach/Guilt/Self-loathing/Toothache
Sleeping with THAT old flame	Perhaps fun and liberation at first, but it can lead to shame/hurt/emptiness/gossip/confusion
Forgetting to close the fridge door/turn lights off	Higher bills = more money spent in areas that bring you frustration

Some very brief examples, so lets counteract those with what the bigger reward would be:

Behaviour/Action	Creation
Not eating the whole bar of chocolate at once	Stretching the bar of chocolate out for the rest of the week as dessert
Not sleeping with THAT old flame	Self-respect/Confidence/Sensuality/A whole bed to yourself
Not forgetting to close the fridge door/turn lights off	Extra money, less stress and anxiety

Do you see what I mean? The reward you get from having will power is much greater and stretches much further than giving into gratification, quick fixes or desires.

That’s not really answered my how do you start?

Okay so you’ve started to become aware of the behaviours and actions that make you feel lonely, guilty, frustrated, sick or anxious and now you’re ready to practice counteracting those. How do you do that? Trial and error.

It might help by making a note in whatever way that works for you, the behaviours/actions that make you feel xyz, rather than storing this information in your probably already full brain.

It’s going to take some failed attempts before you begin to grasp the greater reward, and that is something you need to be aware of because you cannot let it get you down or stop you from getting off the ground.

Walking into this with the awareness that it will be a up and down start is a great perspective because you’re not walking in blind or thinking it will be plain sailing. You’re walking in grounded, confident and aware.

Okay cool, then how can I keep myself on track?

If you’re like me and you don’t always think about the action till you’ve done it, don’t beat yourself and know that it is okay to counteract your action.

If you’re also like me and overthink before making the action, take a pause. Have a breath and zoom out of the picture slightly. There isn’t necessarily a right or wrong answer, it’s about what the answer will create within you.

You might find it helpful to keep some sort of written track on your progress. This can be in whatever form works for you, but I do think having something in the physical for you to read or see acts as proof of your journey.

If you have someone you trust that can help you with encouragement or reminders, let them in. Listen to them and bare their responses in your mind.

Reward yourself with a high five (trust me it works).

Practicing will power will test your dedication and commitment to yourself and the life you create. It’s something that requires firmness and softness. It requires leniency and accountability, as well as maturity and kindness.

Learning will power and having it offers you a way of life that could potentially be life changing for you. Is that not worth it?

Change the narrative, switch things up, change some habits and gain so much from it.

Summary:

Remember the greater result

It’s going to be up and down at first

Remember how committed you are to yourself and your life

Keep written track of your progress

Will power will shed away behaviours, habits, routines and people that are not meant to stay in your life

It’s okay to fail at times

Will power = putting yourself first

I wish you luck on this journey! Any problems or questions, feel free to get in touch!